Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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