I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
