I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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