Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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