Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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