Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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