after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
