office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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