I feel like I'm in dance class right now
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
