I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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