So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
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