he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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