no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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