I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
