why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
FUCK WHALES
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
