You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
