is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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