i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
