I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
