I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
