Sacagawea was the original milf.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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