so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the condom got lost in my hair
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i love accidental penises.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Randomize
