i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
