She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just puked most of my soul out..
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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