We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
