Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
