I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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