The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
