I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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