i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
