FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
