I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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