the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
