Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
