I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
is wine microwaveable?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
