whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
