he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
