she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
