you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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