im holly from the hills drunk
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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