I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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