Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
