Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
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My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
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He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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