he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
