your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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