We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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