she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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