I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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