i barfeds in our rink
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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