we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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