if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
