Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
