He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
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