yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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