You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
