so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
