i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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