I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
