you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
