If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
