got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
