We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
