i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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