Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
